It’s almost August. Sorry, let me repeat. It’s almost August. How did this happen exactly? I’m completely flabbergasted (yes, I just used that word) as to how we’ve managed to speed through 7 months of the year without blinking. As I sit down and write this I’m trying to think of what has happened this year, if it’s changed me, if I’ll remember it in a few years time. Has this year has a significant impact on my life? Let me take a look.

• In January I realised that I needed to get my arse into gear with regards to university. I was sick of leaving assignments until the last minute, and getting incredibly stressed out about it. Did it happen? Did I change my ways? Nah! I also managed to swing a placement at a local performing arts academy which I soon realised was a complete and utter disappointment – and I eventually got “sacked” anyway. I also talked about my mental health problem for the first time which was incredibly difficult, but one of the best things I’ve written so far.
• In February I tried (and failed) to quit smoking – maybe I’ll try again next year once I’ve really thought about how I can tackle it properly. I also had my first appointment with a psychologist to discuss my mental health, and soon started to realise that this wasn’t the option for me.
• In March I had a very interesting lecture that I still tell people about now – I never did thank my tutor for such a brilliant 2 hours!
• In April I was offered another placement at a local community arts center and, once again, realised that it wasn’t what I was hoping for. But at least I was being offered more work than my previous placement. A lot more. But at least I got to be a bitch for the day.
• In May I wrote one of my longest posts about the General Election in the UK, and as it stands I still do not support the government. I also started getting itchy feet about my future, and spoke about how desperate I am to start working in the industry that I love. And as it stands, I still feel the same if not more impatient.
• In June I struggled to get my head around moving into my first flat. And then I struggled some more. And then a bit more. I also spoke about Sophie for the first time and managed to put my feelings onto “paper” finally. Although it felt like a relief, it was incredibly painful and heartbreaking to write but it’s helped me cope a tiny bit more. On a lighter note, my friend dropped the “dress like a girl” bombshell and I ranted about it.
• And finally, in July I realised that there are some real psychos out there. I also realised that some friends really need to think before they speak.

So what have I learnt in these past 7 months? I’ve learnt that mental health is not something to be ashamed of. It’s something to be proud of – if you can admit you have it, and realise that someone else can help then hold your head high. I learnt that quitting smoking is harder than admitting you have a mental health problem and can actually cause a mental breakdown. Seriously. I also learnt that grief can be shared and that I shouldn’t be scared to admit how hard it is. And I’ve also learnt that working through problems slowly and thoughtfully is better than trying to get everything done all in one go.

Finally, I’ve learnt how amazing blogging is. In less than a year I have realised how supportive people are. I’ve realised how many people are going through the same things as I am. And it’s comforting. It’s less scary. So to all of those who commented on various posts throughout this part of 201o – thank you

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