I am really struggling to get hold of this week and reign it in a bit – I feel like I’ve not had one single minute to sit down and head over here to write a post. I meant to do this yesterday (obviously) but just didn’t get round to it so I’m doing it now before I go to bed… I swear it was only Monday about 5 minutes ago.
1. I finally got Sky fitted in my flat on Tuesday – although I won’t officially be moving in until the beginning of October it’s nice to know that everything, yes everything, will now be ready and nothing will be left to do by the time it comes to live there. We were expecting the fitter to come between 12pm and 6pm (how helpful!) and he arrived at 12.02pm – result! He was in, out, and all about within 30 minutes so it was a pretty good day because I also…
2. … won 4 tickets for a gig next Tuesday! I never win anything apart from the odd pen or free sample every now and then, so when the woman called and told me what I’d won I screamed at her. I then became convinced she was a prank caller and asked if she was joking, to which she simply laughed and went, “No… don’t you want to come?” Thankfully I managed to splutter out my address so she can send me the tickets. But get this. My two friends got phone calls later in the day to say they’d won 4 tickets each too – wtf?! So now we have 12 tickets. Madness. But good madness.
3. My mum and I are getting on really well at the moment – we’ve been spending a lot of time together because with me working all day in front of a computer the last thing I want to do when I get home is come on here. So I spend time with her downstairs just chatting and talking about “adult” stuff, which will probably be covered in a later post, and also laughing. A lot. Like, belly laughter. Where you can’t stop. I actually love it when my mum laughs because she doesn’t do it often – she’s not serious or anything like that, she just doesn’t find very many things funny. So when she laughs, you know something is clearly hilarious.
4. I’m having outrageous fun at work – my wall is covered with hot men, one of my co-workers is just fabulous, and everything is just one big joke. I don’t dread work in a morning – I hate the early starts but who doesn’t? OK, so today my boss told me off about 5 times for laughing too much and not doing my work but it gets done eventually. At the moment there isn’t a mad rush to get everything done so everyone is just having fun and I love it. Honestly, it’s a laugh a minute in that place – whether we’re laughing at Fay asking a stupid question, or me shouting at people down the phone.
5. Yesterday I found out something that made my stomach flip. It did a double, triple, quadruple somersault. I was almost sick at my desk. Why is this wonderful? Just you wait 
So, what wonderful things are happening in your life?
The accountant over there is going to love this post – accountants and marketers are best buds, right? We love each other. We’re so full of love that it often comes across as dislike. But we do love each other. Totally. Maybe not totally. A little bit. We’re fond of each other. We like each other. We’ll tolerate each other. OK, so goddamn it – we bug the hell out of each other. Marketers always want more money, and accountants always cut the budget. But for today’s bloglist I’m going to teach you how to fail at marketing because then the accountant over there will have a little snigger to herself, and enjoy the day more.
- Don’t try anything new – why try something, when you already know how to do it another way. Your way is better, it’s too risky doing it another way, so stay in your comfort zone. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It was good enough for the Victorians, so it’s good enough for us.
- Don’t plan anything – be spontaneous, planning never helped anyone. You don’t need a marketing plan, just go with it. Who cares about how you plan to get out of that mess when you fuck up so incredibly badly?
- Don’t listen to other people – you know best. This is why you’re here. You were employed because you’re already amazing. You inspire others, their ideas will never be as good.
- Don’t listen to your customer – this is your campaign and you will do it how you damn well like. It’s pretty, it’s flowery, and it’s bright pink. And your target audience is guys – if they don’t love it, then there is something wrong with them.
- Don’t research – it takes up far too much time and never got anybody anywhere. No point researching the current market either because you’re going to shoot all of the competition out of the water, you just know it.
- Don’t do anything cheaply – spend lots and lots of money. If you must, then bankrupt your company. If it’s expensive then it’s gotta be successful.
- Don’t make mistakes – if you don’t know how to do it now, you never will. You need to be perfect from the get go; if your campaign is unsuccessful then it’s not your fault.
- Don’t talk to your colleagues – they know nothing. You are the marketer, you know best.
And unfortunately all of the above are inspired by experiences I have had in the marketing world. If this is you, damn you. You’re giving us other marketers a bad name – this is why the accountant over there hates us. Now be gone, I have to go work on my latest project which, just so you know, will be better than yours. Because I’m a marketer and we know best. About 10% of the time.
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