Over the past 4 weeks, whilst working hard at my full time summer job, some of my views have come under fire from various colleagues. Not in a negative way, unless you count the silence I’m faced with once I’ve aired my views as negative. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me because these views concern my life and my future so what anyone else thinks is irrelevant, surely? But this is where it gets complicated. This past year, my two supervisors got married and are all set on having kids. They’re all loved up and constantly talk about how happy they are. I enjoy listening to these tales of married bliss – who doesn’t love hearing about being loved up? One thing that they don’t understand is this…
I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to have kids.
I’m not some old spinster who hates men (well only occasionally) and I’m not some heartless bitch who hates children. I love kids, I just don’t want them for myself. The idea of marriage is nice to think about but I just don’t feel that it fits into my life, as ridiculous as that sounds. But here is the knockout, the view that get’s most people’s backs up…
Marriage and children would get in the way of my career.
There, I said it. My career is my life. My passions in life don’t centre around love, marriage, and kids. They centre around theatre, my career, and my ambitions. Is this so incredibly bad? Apparently it is. “How can you not want to get married?” says one colleague. “There must be something wrong with you!” says another.
Here’s the thing – I’m not going to not get married out of principal. If someone asks me to marry them I’m not going to say, “No, sorry, I’ve got a job to do!” That’s a bit unreasonable. If I get pregnant I’m not going to say, “No, not today, I have a show to market!” That’s a bit unreasonable. But I’m not going to go looking for it, y’know? If things happen, things happen but they’re not on the top of my to-do list and they won’t be until I’m happy with my life, and my career. Why? Because if I’m not happy with myself then I can’t make someone else happy nor can I dedicate my time to them if my goals are incomplete.
And to clear something up for one of my other colleagues, this does not mean that I want to be single for all eternity. I may be ambitious, I may be driven, and I may be slightly selfish but I am still a human being. I still want to be loved, and cared for. But is marriage the way to do this? Well Brad and Angelina don’t seem to think so 
I’ll save my post on the sanctity of marriage for another time because I’ve aired enough of my [ever-so-slightly cynical] views in public for now.
Please do not read this post and think, “This bitch hates me because I’m married!” No I do not. I’m very pleased for you, I’m very pleased that you’re happy – it’s just not for me. Or, “This bitch hates me because I’ve got kids!” No I do not. Again, very pleased and very happy – it’s just not for me.
And I cannot wait to read this post in 10 years time when I’ve completely u-turned and am gushing about family life. Or maybe I’ll be sat at home alone, a cup of cocoa in hand, and 17 cats. But at least I’ll have the career I wanted (I kid, I kid!).
What are your views on marriage, kids, and the happily ever afters?
Earlier this week I came across this post about things the “iPod Generation” will never experience. We’re talking things like mix tapes, ones requiring effort, getting excited for a CD release coming through your letterbox, and secret tracks hidden on CDs. It got me thinking about other things future generations will miss out on, and even now I wish some of the following things were the norm as they were when I was a teenager.
1. Saturday morning TV is something I have missed since my favourite show, Live & Kicking, got cancelled. These types of show we’re great to wake up to. I used to watch the beginning when I was getting ready to go to my nans house, and made my mum speed in the car so I could catch the end when I got there. They used to have phone ins, competitions, Q&As with fans and bands, cartoons – everything I wanted on my weekend. And now there is nothing for kids on a Saturday morning apart from cartoons – in fact, cookery shows seem to have taken over because kids need to learn how to make a full Beef Wellington at 8am on a Saturday morning.
2. Old style video games. Not the ones where you spend hours kicking a ball around, or days shooting zombies or whatever you guys do. No, I’m talking about Sonic, Flipper, Donkey Kong, and James Pond. On the Sega Megadrive. You remember those? I tried plugging mine into the TV a couple of years back and it’s no longer compatible – my heart sank a little, I’ll admit.
3. Good ole festive Christmas number ones – over the past few years the UK singles chart has been dominated by X Factor winners at Christmas, and they’re not even Christmas songs. This year, I’ll admit, it wasn’t an X Factor number one but it was a Rage Against The Machine one but only because there was a campaign to stop the X Factor monopoly. And said song wasn’t even a festive song. Let’s go back to the days when you had things like I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday, and Mistletoe and Wine, yeah? Although maybe this year Slipknot might clinch the top spot with All Hope Is Gone – because that’ll get everyone in the spirit.
4. Photo albums, the tangible kind. Never mind Facebook photo albums, or Flickr albums. There is nothing wrong with those, let me just say that, but I love flicking through photo albums with friends and writing little captions next to them. I just don’t get the same pleasure from uploading photos online than I do sticking photos in an album and arranging them in my own special way. And the comments you get on those photos aren’t online or appear from behind a screen, they’re from people sitting with you and going through them with you. And you can share stories together in the same room and speak about memories you have of that particular time. I couldn’t think of anything better to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
5. Old fashioned, face to face conversation – or maybe the appreciation of this. It’s far too easy now to text someone or send them an e-mail. Even worse, it’s even easier to broadcast what’s going on in your life on Facebook/Twitter that there doesn’t seem to be a reason to ask how someone is anymore – you already know. There’s that lack of surprise now with conversations I have with friends – for example, my friend got a new job and she posted it on Facebook. So when I saw her she said, “Did you see on Facebook that I got a new job?” Yes, I did. But I’d love it if I was personally told by you and could physically convey my excitement over coffee or something. It’s not just me, right?
So tell me – what things do you think future generations may miss out on?
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