New Years Eve never fills me with joy, ever. No matter how good the year has been I never feel the need to celebrate – years come and go, but so do so many other things. I just never understand the celebration of a new year because most of the time, midway through the year, I’m back doing the same old same old, bumbling through my ever so boring life yet again. Yes, we’ve hit a new decade (woop!) but other than the last two numbers of the year, what else is going to change? I’m merely directing this question at myself, and nobody else.
Another reason I won’t be celebrating the new year is because 2009 was like hell on earth at certain points, and on bad days it still feels like I’m in some bottomless pit crawling to get out -are the violins playing yet? Just to give you a tiny snippet of the absolute shit thrown my way this year, read the following paragraphs taken from my “About Me” section.
“At 20 I went to university again. This time I moved away from home and into student accommodation. I didn’t want to move, but I had to – it was time to spread my wings I suppose. On 20th September 2008 I moved out – my mum drove me to my halls and helped me unpack all of my belongings. When she left I remember sitting in my room and pondering what was going to happen. Would I like my flatmates? Would I drop out of university again? Would my flatmates like me? Later that evening, one of my flatmates knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go to the shops with her. We decided to take the stairs and on the way down we got to know each other and laughed nervously as we broke the ice. We got back and went to cook some food in the kitchen and then we met one of the boys who would be living with us. He was from London and seemed very quiet. Then two more boys walked in drunk and livened it up a bit – everybody was very friendly but I still hadn’t properly spoken to the other girl living with us.
Over the course of that first week we all went out and had a good time. We became very close incredibly quickly and whenever I went to lectures I couldn’t wait to get back to see them all. When I spoke to other people about their flats they either hated the people they lived with, or vice versa. It was all very bizarre – why were we all getting on so well, and would this always be the case? Thankfully things stayed the same – we were like a family. There were three people who I knew would be my friends for life. Two of them were dating, and one was just very eccentric and really easy to talk to. As Christmas came round we didn’t want to leave, but the break just made us even closer. As the months passed by and May appeared we all had to move out and say goodbye. It was very hard and I remember one of my closest flatmates, Sophie, cried as I closed the door to the flat and got in the lift. I sent her a message as soon as I got home and told her I missed her like crazy. She sent me the same message back, and this carried on for a good couple of months before she went to work abroad for a year.
In August 2009 I was on holiday when I got the phone call I never wanted to receive. I was told that Sophie had been killed in a road traffic accident. I felt as though my whole world had crumbled beneath me. Sophie was full of life, so incredibly happy, and one of my closest friends – she was 19 years old and she’d been taken away. Why? I’ll never be able to answer this question but all I know is that in the year that I lived with her she truly changed my life for the better and I’ll never forget her. We listened to each other when we were having bad days. We told each other we loved each other and hugged whenever we went to lectures. We sat inside on Sundays when it was raining, snuggled under a duvet watching films. We laughed so hard that we cried and then fell asleep. We went out, got drunk, and woke up the next day wondering what the hell happened. We danced like mad fools to pop music, and then swayed when a slow song came on. We held hands for no apparent reason. We teased each other and pulled each other’s hair. Sophie was one of a kind, and there will never be anybody else like her.“
And this is why 2009 can kiss my arse – it can’t get any worse surely?
Last night I was talking to one of my good friends, and I’m sure she won’t mind me mentioning this, about being single in your twenties, and why we’ve been single right up to our twenties. I’ve never had a serious relationship, and neither has she. And whenever the offer of a relationship gets handed out, I run a mile – not because I don’t want one, but because I’ve convinced myself over the years that I’m not relationship material, so why is this particular guy interested in me? But then, I’ve changed a lot over the past couple of years so I shouldn’t really compare myself to what I was like then. For a start I was obese, I thought personal grooming was something dogs went for, and going to a club was my idea of hell on earth. Not anymore though.
Now, the dilemma that we both faced was, “Where do we find our Mr Right?” I don’t believe I can find my “soulmate” in a club – guys in there are alright to have a fumble in the dark with, but I can guarantee that if they tried anything while I was sober I’d direct them to the nearest mirror and tell them to have a look. So if they can’t be found in a club, where guys are practically handing themselves out on a plate, then that leaves a huge amount of places to look. But then if you look, you don’t find. Then my friend pointed out that she’s not been looking for the past few years and nobody has come her way so now what?
And then there’s the whole idea of going out (not dating) with somebody you perceive as more attractive than yourself. I’ve done that and guys can so tell if you don’t rate yourself highly. When I used to go out with Sophie, who was completely stunning in every aspect, I didn’t go anywhere near guys because why would I? They would be far more interested in her. But those nights turned out to be the best nights because she had a boyfriend, so the night would be spent dancing the night away and not caring about getting a guy. So do you sacrifice fun for searching for a guy?
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining about being single. I’m just complaining about the fact that if I do decide I am ready for a relationship how the hell do you go about it? Obviously there isn’t a step by step guide on how to do it, that would make it boring, but the best way to find out is to get your experiences.
QUESTIONS TO YOU
1) Where and when did you meet your other half?
2) Did it take lots of searching beforehand?
3) Any other experiences you’d like to share?
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